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If there’s one thing that never ceases to amaze me about anime, it’s the sheer creativity when it comes to methods of destruction. Every show (where such a thing is involved) has its own twist when it comes to the dispatching of enemies.

#10: Office Supplies

A stapler is not a frightening object. Hell, it was an object of misplaced affection in Office Space. But Bakemonogatari showed that once it’s your face that’s about to get stapled, it becomes the most terrifying weapon imaginable. Hitagi Senjougahara, our staple wielder, has no qualms about putting tiny metal loops through your cheeks. And she goes through with it! Suddenly, you can’t trust anything you find at Office Max. Pencils? They’ll be awfully hazardous to the eyes. Tape measure? Better not let that get near your neck (not to mention the snapback effect). Right angle tool? I don’t even want to think about what kind of damage you could do with that. The fact that Senjougahara can keep such a huge stock of office supplies on her body, without them being detectable, makes them even cooler/more disturbing. If you get close for a hug, just be wary that she could be hiding scissors anywhere.

#9: Gigantic Sniper Rifles

This is probably the most pedestrian entry, as there’s nothing really special about the weapon. It’s a big fucking gun, sported by a scantily clad lady. FLCL’s Kitsurubami also had one, but Gurren Lagann’s Yoko wins out because hers was in more episodes. If there’s one thing guys love, it’s gigantic guns held by women. Putting them together is like putting peanut butter and jelly together, except way sexier. I wonder why it doesn’t happen more often.

#8: Chain Sword

Tenjho Tenge’s Madoka Mawari is a master of bladed weapons. Her first battle in the manga involves huge knives and a pair of lightsabers, but this chain sword is undoubtedly the coolest of them. Madoka gets bonus points for storing it by wrapping it seductively around her legs (of course leading to a panty shot when the thing is deployed). Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to have the same bag of tricks as Soulcalibur’s Ivy, so she ends up losing to an Eddy Gordo wannabe whose superpower is rhythm. Yeah the circumstances of this battle are pretty ridiculous, but Madoka’s sword is pretty damn cool.

#7: Canti

FLCL’s Canti is a bit of a puzzler. He is definitely a cool character, and redefined the role of robots in anime. But is he a cool weapon? Well judging by his appearance on this list, yes. I mean look at him. He’s a robot that transforms into a cannon after eating his owner. And then he craps Naota out when he’s done! Without having a single line of dialogue, Canti manages to come alive through hilarious animations and well-choreographed fights. Unfortunately, he only takes #7 on this list because, well, he’s kind of a bitch. The grown-ups have him doing housework, and Mamimi wants to turn him into some kind of pet deity. It makes him an awesome character, but he loses points on the weapon rubric. Plus, what if Naota’s not around to be eaten? Well the answer is: he’d get a royal ass kicking.

#6: Cross Punisher

Trigun has a huge messiah complex, which is utterly embodied by Nicholas D. Wolfwood. Whereas Jesus was nailed to his cross, Wolfwood has the good sense of hiding a huge stash of weapons in his, ensuring that angry Romans, among others, won’t be able to crucify him. For one, this weapon is incredibly stylish, and is used with aplomb by Wolfwood (the coolest character of Trigun next to Legato). But it’s also quite functional, with multiple modes providing contingencies for all sorts of situations. Tight quarters? Use the pistols stored in it. Lots of enemies? Use the giant machine gun. Armored target? It’s also got a rocket launcher!

#5: Paper

Continuing with the office supplies theme, Read or Die’s Yomiko Readman has control over paper, being able to use it for anything from a bulletproof shield to a lock pick. Read or Die is indeed the foremost franchise when it comes to paper manipulation; its televised continuation has paper animal puppets, paper bows and arrows, and even structural elements made from paper by paper masters. Conceptually it’s cool enough, but once you see it in action, it becomes awe-inspiring.

#4: Tachikomas

Crab tanks in general are pretty cool, but Stand Alone Complex goes the extra yard and gives them jubilant, childish personalities along with the ability to spin silk. They work both as combatants and as comedic relief, and their repertoire of abilities is impressive to behold. In the hands of a resourceful pilot, Tachikomas carry out some of the most creative and unconventional battles in all anime. The thing that solidifies their spot on this list, though, is the 25th episode of Stand Aone Complex. It’s all about loyalty, brilliant tactics, and a warrior spirit.

#3: Excalibur

I’m picking this one on nomenclature alone. Excalibur is the famous sword used by Arthur. In the case of Fate/Stay Night, Arthur happens to be a rather subservient woman whose outfit resembles a maid uniform made of armor. In the anime world, the sword is so famous that it would immediately give away Saber’s identity, so she hides it by turning it invisible. When things get bad, though, she unleashes its full power, and shows the sword for what it is: a rank A++ anti-fortress Noble Phantasm. If that doesn’t sound like the most awesome thing ever invented, check out its nickname: The Sword of Promised Victory. How badass is that??

#2: The Lance of Longinus

Named after the spear from Christian legend, Evangelion’s Lance of Longinus is a gigantic alien object with the inherent ability to destroy Angels. Even the A.T. Field is no match, as shown when Rei used it to destroy the fifteenth Angel in the series. In addition to looking like a messed up sex toy, the Lance of Longinus is also the catalyst for the Third Impact, which would wipe out all life on earth. So not only is it visually striking, it’s also one of the deadliest weapons featured in an anime.

#1: The Solenoid Quench Gun

I considered making this article just about the awesome gadgets and weapons you find in Battle Angel Alita, but in the end, this is really all you need to see. Remember what I said about guns and girls? Well this is the biggest gun of them all: a laser-powered coil gun triggered by a superconductor phase transition. It propels a large caliber projectile to extreme speeds, virtually guaranteeing that any target it’s pointed at will become slag very soon. It hovers to absorb recoil, and the origin of its laser power lies in an aircraft floating miles above called Gabriel. Everything about it is bonerific, and it is without doubt the coolest weapon in the anime (and manga) world. Giant swords? Bitch, please.

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